How to Manage Sibling Rivalry Now That Everyone Is Busy with School

If you’ve ever heard your children arguing over who gets the front seat, or seen one sulking because the other got a higher test score, you already know, sibling rivalry is real. It can manifest in small ways, such as teasing, or in larger ways, like refusing to help each other with homework. But now that everyone is busy with school, juggling lessons, assignments, and even Islāmiyya classes, managing this rivalry can feel harder than ever. The good news? With the right approach, peace and love can return to your home.

Why Sibling Rivalry Feels Stronger Now

Before school resumed, children had more time together at home. They played, watched TV, and sometimes even got bored together. However, everyone’s schedule has now changed. One child might have extra classes, another might attend Islāmiyya in the evening, while the youngest feels left out because they’re not as busy. These differences can easily cause jealousy or misunderstandings. When children are tired from school or feel unnoticed, even small issues can turn into arguments. Understanding this helps parents respond calmly. It’s not that your children hate each other; they’re just learning how to balance school life and attention at home.

Create Moments to Talk and Listen

In many families, mornings are rushed and evenings are packed. Parents are tired, children are tired, and communication quietly disappears. Yet, talking regularly is one of the best ways to manage rivalry. Even a brief conversation after dinner can make a significant difference. Ask gentle questions like;

“How was your day?” or

“Did anything upset you in school today?” 

If one child complains about another, listen first before judging. Children open up more when they feel heard. You can even make this a routine, maybe after Maghrib prayer, everyone gathers for 10 minutes to talk. It doesn’t have to be formal. Just showing interest can help your children feel loved equally.

Encourage Teamwork, Not Competition

Children often compare themselves, wondering who got the best grades, who memorized more of the Qur’an, and who finished their chores faster. A little competition can be healthy, but when it turns into constant comparison, it breeds resentment. Instead, encourage team goals. For example, say;

“Let’s see if all of you can finish homework before dinner so we can play a game together!” or

“Let’s learn one new Surah as a family this week.” 

This helps siblings see each other as partners, not rivals. When they succeed as a team, celebrate everyone. You’ll be surprised how fast cooperation grows.

Appreciate Each Child’s Strengths

Every child shines in different ways. One may be quick in academics, another in Qur’anic recitation, another in kindness or creativity. When parents constantly praise only one kind of success, the others feel left behind. Make an effort to recognize every strength, no matter how big or small. Tell one child;

“I like how you helped your sister pack her bag,” and tell another,

“I’m proud of how you remembered your lesson.” 

Children who feel valued don’t need to fight for attention. This balance also teaches them to appreciate others instead of always competing.

Teach Patience and Forgiveness

In Islam, we are taught to forgive and be kind, even when it’s hard. Remind your children of this. Share short stories from the Prophet’s life about love between brothers and sisters, such as Prophet Yusuf (A.S.) forgiving his brothers. If one child hurts another, encourage saying;

“I’m sorry” and “I forgive you” and mean it.

You can even create a small family rule: no going to bed angry. These small habits build emotional strength and reduce long-term rivalry.

Model the Behavior You Want

Children learn more from what they see than what they hear. If parents argue or show favoritism, children copy it. But if you treat everyone fairly, stay calm, and apologize when you make mistakes, they’ll do the same. Let your children see you share responsibilities, speak kindly, and show respect to each other. When you model peace, your home becomes a place where rivalry has no room to grow.

Keep Family Time Sacred

Even with busy school and Islāmiyya schedules, family time should not disappear. You can plan something simple once a week, maybe a shared meal, a walk after Asr, or Qur’an recitation together. These moments help siblings reconnect. During weekends, try to involve everyone in small household tasks or fun challenges. Cooking together, cleaning up as a team, or even watching a good show together can remind them that they belong to one another.

Finally

Managing sibling rivalry while everyone is busy with school isn’t about stopping all arguments; it’s about teaching love, balance, and respect. With patience, attention, and the right habits, your children can grow into supportive friends for life. So next time you hear, “Mum, he took my pencil again!” take a breath, smile, and remember: every quarrel is also a chance to teach peace.